my father’s memory

Dad Navy

you were with me, but somewhere else

you listened intently but soon forgot

you told me your story

it helped you remember who you were

talk of the Navy brought up young adult angst

this memory embedded needed release

opportunities given saved your life, in turn it brought forth mine

you smiled and the hard times faded

your eyes twinkled, you gave me a wink

you are still you

memory stone

My dad died a few months ago.

I miss the strength and wisdom he gave our family.

Here’s to remembering.

In Memoriam.

Eggs

“Don’t put all your eggs in one basket!”

Annie called out to Eddie.

Have your way.

Push the rest of us off.

Don’t be mean.

Easter is for everyone.

Not just for you!

015 1962

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Trifecta

This was written for the Trifecta weekend challenge, which was to write exactly 33 words including an idiom somewhere within.

Click on the tricycle to direct you to the Trifecta Blog website.

http://www.trifectawritingchallenge.com

Speechless

When I speak her name I cannot speak

Many feelings

Daughter

Nurse

Woman

Who should speak?

Love at core

Life passing

Eternity  near

Cherished memories

Time has come

Speechless

Loving hug, kind thought, voice breaking, tears come

Bring it in

Sing to her

Ave Maria

You are Mine

Irish Blessing

Love you, Mom

‘Til we meet again

Memories are complicated

 

I started blogging to find normalcy amid painful transitions. I had turned fifty, finished menopause, was unhappy at work, and had angry and anxious teenagers turning into young adults.

Three years later, life has shifted again. My son is taking a job in another country, my daughter is beginning her last year of college, I’m three years older, and work is showing improved vital signs.

The anger and anxiety from my children is still there, just not experienced on a daily basis. Now it comes in spurts. Our son still carries sibling-rivalry resentment toward his sister. He is nice to her for one day then cocky and insulting to her at a family gathering. She burst out crying at his insensitivity.

I returned from visiting my elderly parents, ages 86 yrs. and 90 yrs. It has been another rough year for my mother. She has extreme anxiety and expresses her displeasure with her physical changes with a lot of crying and anger. Her coping skills have taken a toll on me and caused distress in my relationship with my father and siblings.

And then, Neil Armstrong died on Saturday. I had a flashback to my living room in the summer of 1969.  My oldest brother, who is still fascinated with space, closed all the curtains of our living room to take pictures of the moon landing from the television set. Neil Armstrong stepped onto the moon, what a good memory.

Then I remembered that in 1989, our son was a week shy of his first birthday, getting his first haircut. I was videotaping the event and on the TV in the background was a broadcast of the 20th anniversary of the moon landing.

I was cleaning out the shed yesterday, compiling things for my son to sort through before he leaves at the end of the week and I found this. I couldn’t believe it.

Man landing on the moon

I looked at the date: 9-7-1999. My son said he was in 5th grade when he did this project. He remarked that his good friends from grade school, have the actual newspaper headline, depicted above, framed in their home. It was a touching moment between my son and I, sharing a good memory. It lasted about one minute, before he got angry about something he thought I lost of his.

Thanks Neil Armstrong for your contribution to science, space and mankind. And thank you for bringing back fond memories, albeit brief, amid another one of life’s transitions.

 

The Circle of Life

It’s been nearly one year since our oldest son moved out after finishing college and made my husband and I official empty nesters. I had been so used to running around organizing other people’s lives for the past 24 years that I discovered that I didn’t have to do that anymore.  I heard someone say once that if you don’t know what to do, then don’t do anything. For me it has been a year of transitions and a lot of doing nothing.

At work, there has been chaos, and I chose not to get involved. Staff are leaving, transferring, and retiring. New young staff are being hired. They are old enough to be my children.

At home, my husband got a new job, our son announced he’d be moving to Australia by the end of the summer, and my daughter has a boyfriend.

So as my nest has emptied, I have watched other women fill their nests. I have crossed paths with more pregnant women this year than I can ever remember. I have purchased six copies of my standard baby gift, Your Child’s Health, a great reference book for parents. I have also crossed paths with pregnant birds.

This Canadian goose was in a median in a university parking lot. The poor dad goose was siting on the eggs and wouldn’t leave. Someone brought him a bowl of water. I ran out and brought back some tortillas for him to eat.

Image

At our neighborhood park there have been five Canadian Geese families that have taken over the pond.

So as to not feel left out, on my own back porch, a robin family made a nest one weekend when we were out of town.

The baby robins stick their heads up and all we can see are little beaks and necks.

Mama robin is very vigilant and busy hunting for food for the babies.

Nature took over and filled my nest again. I’ve had a perfect view of it all watching life unfold and still not doing anything…waiting for my next move.

Who loves you? I do

I’m an empty nester mother. Maybe my kids will send me a text this Sunday on Mother’s Day, if I’m lucky. But who said Mother’s Day is all about waiting for acknowledgement from your kids? I’ve never had the fairy tale, mushy thing going on anyway.

I wouldn’t  be a mom if it wasn’t for them right? So I decided to send my kids Mother’s Day cards. I went off to the store to check out the greeting card selection. I saw cards for godmothers, someone who has been like a mother to me, grandmothers, sisters, aunts, mothers-to-be, and friends.  Why wouldn’t they have a card to wish your kids a thank you  to have had the opportunity to be their Mom? Twenty-six years ago I wanted so much to be a mother. I wanted to be the best mom ever. I was given a gift that not every woman gets the privilege to experience.

So this is the card I chose. Who Loves You? I do. Because I wouldn’t be a Mom if I didn’t have you! Happy Mother’s Day to the best kids ever.  Call if what you like; reverse psychology, guilt-trip, whatever. A new tradition of expressing maternal love is born.

O! Wyoming!

I got out of town to breathe some fresh air this past weekend.  My husband and I helped our son move into his new apartment with his first full-time job, which happens to be in Wyoming. He and his dad went up with the U-Haul the day before so I had the opportunity to ponder the landscape alone and reminisce over past memories of this big square state.

If my life was a tree, the state of Wyoming would be one of the branches. Wyoming is noted for cowboys, Old Faithful, and no state taxes. My Wyoming branch has its own set of interesting leaves.  

1. Wind.

Bar none the windiest state I’ve ever been in. You feel the whoosh the minute you hit the state line.

2. W.O.S.  Wide Open Spaces.

  • Stripped and ripped tire parts on the highway
  • Beauty of nature. Wildlife, mountain ranges, and a big blue sky.
  • Energy boom. Open pit coal mines, wind turbines, oil refineries, and natural gas. There is even a town named Sinclair, WY. You know the green dinosaur?
  • Country radio stations. The Ranch Breakfast Show on the local public radio station had me smiling as I was listening to cowboy tunes down the road. 

3. Commuter Student. 

I spent two years commuting to the University of Wyoming getting a post-masters degree with a rural focus. I know the faculty couldn’t believe that this city dweller drove 150 miles once a month for this program. But, the tuition was cheaper (thanks to WICHE) and the curriculum was perfect for me and my husband when the kids were in grade school. I also grew up in the rural midwest so it wasn’t such a stretch for me. One memory of my rural-focused eduation was that some Wyoming residents referred to long trips in the state as a “six pack drive”.

4. A red state with blue splotches.

Wyoming is a conservative state. I used to tell people that the only liberals in the state were in Laramie and Jackson Hole. During my time attending classes there, a gay student named Matthew Shepard was brutally killed because of his sexual orientation. It was extremely sad. The Laramie Project depicted interviews of the townspeople afterward. It debuted in 2000 as a stage play. It is now common educational reading in colleges on healing divisions and understanding the gay community.   

5. Eddie Rabbitt.

When I moved to Colorado in the 1980’s, my roommate took me to Cheyenne Frontier Days. We saw the rodeo, roamed around, and ate funnel cakes.  And when the sun went down the concert began and we saw Eddie Rabbitt. I actually had the fortune to see him in concert twice. Hey one of his songs was Rocky Mountain Music. It was my welcome to the West song.

6. Fond Friends.

We had great friend from Indiana, who spent a lot of summers working in Yellowstone or vacationing in the Big Horns. He saw it as summer camp and it kept him young. We met up with him half dozen times during his trips there. Everytime I think of Wyoming I think of Cowboy Cam hiking down the trail with his fishing pole.  I miss him so.

I wish fond memories for my son for his time in Wyoming, however long that will be. This is his time for his life tree to expand and grow. There are wide open opportunities in that sky.